Confusion
Lately I've been really confused and stuck feeling. See I've been trying to decide if I should join the Furnace or not. It's a huge commitment and I'm really trying to figure out if it's something that God would have me do. Part of me has been really wanting to do it, but I'm not sure why I want to. Is it because Michael is so enthusiastic about it? Am I trying to prove to God and those around me that I'm actually as on fire for Him as I should be? Or is it because I just really want to take this next year and grow in Him? Honestly I'm not sure what the answer is. There's also the option of getting involved with a small group from the Mill, and getting really involved with the Mill itself. They have tons of small groups to chose from, and it's not as big of a commitment. But am I just looking at those because I'm too scared to join the Furnace? Am I just not willing/don't want to give that much time away since I really value my down time? Again I honestly don't know. It's really frustrating because I truly truly want to do whatever God has planned for me. I know whatever it is that I will be ok and in the words of Michael, "everything will work out." I do believe that He will give me the grace to do either programs if it's what He wants me to do. But at this point I haven't felt peace about any of it. I'm just really confused and honestly scared about what I should do. I just really don't want to make the wrong decision. I've been having this desire to become who God wants me to be lately, and I don't want to get "left behind" when so many of my friends are growing so much in Him. I just don't know what or how God wants me to spend the next year with Him. I guess I should just stop thinking so much about it and relax. Either way if I'm doing it for Him then I'm sure it's going to be ok. I know He doesn't compare me to everyone else, and His plan for others isn't necessarily His plan for me. His love for me won't change no matter what I do. I guess I just don't want to regret not doing the Furnace, and I don't want to get involved with it and then get burned out from it because with work and everything else going on in my life it's too much. I'm just going to have to go somewhere quiet and really seek what God wants me to do. At this point I'm so confused about everything that I guess all there is left to do is trust Him. I hear that when you get to the point where all you have to rely on is God it's the best place to be. So if I go at it from that angle I'm in a great spot!!